Is it just Motherhood or is it Womanhood we celebrate?

This poem is one I shared last year - but here we are again - and I felt compelled to share it again  If you're like me - then MUCH has changed in a year.  [How is it also possible that so much stays the same?]

We are all another year older and hopefully wiser.  We celebrate new joys and triumphs, along with new scars and pain that the last year has brought our way.

This year's Mother's Day will different for me than others.  In year's past I've been the odd girl out - the one happily married for years but still childless.  I gladly celebrated with the moms in my midst while secretly feeling terribly awkward and wondering a little about this mysterious world of motherhood I was seemingly "missing out on".

This year will be different because I'm still mourning the loss of the little one we didn't get to meet.  Many plans were made in preparation for the little life that would take our family of 2 to 3 and yet, as quickly as those plans unfolded, the name brainstorming, the heartbeat once heard - it all slipped away so suddenly.  In a matter of hours while others were home sleeping, the little life once inside of me, suddenly was no longer.  This year as other mothers hug their little ones close, I'll wonder if mine was a boy or girl, and what would he/she have looked like.  Would they have had blue eyes like me?  Would they have liked sports, or animals, or music?  The awe and wonder of what might have been still lingers and with it the realization of loss comes flooding back.

The older I get, the more I realize motherhood isn't about those who are currently mothers - though we celebrate with them.  This day of honor has evolved in my mind to include Women in general.  We come from so many facets of life with so much to offer and whether we have children you can see or not...we all have worth and something to offer...something to celebrate.

This poem touches on many types of women in various chapters of life I hope you will feel encouraged by some part or piece of it.  The link provided is a PDF version you can download and share.

Motherhood - A Work of Art

Motherhood – A Work of Art
By Lenay Marteney ~ 2015

To the mom with little children, you are their whole world.  You have a big job, often thankless, but never dull! Enjoy these early years for way too soon they’re gone.  And pray that God would grant you strength when nights are short and days are long.  There are diapers, and tantrums…skinned knees and elbows…but keep raising those babies up in the way that they should go.

To the mom with teenagers, hold steady, for this too shall pass.  They’ll be gone to college, then with kids of their own – it happens just that fast.  Be an example of one who loves the Lord, and show them what it means to seek and trust in God’s word.  Inspire them to be the change in the world they want to see, and challenge them to pursue all that God has called them to be.

To the mom who has a child with extra challenges and special needs; God picked you out on purpose, he must have known your strength.   You know the strain of motherhood in a completely different way, but would you give it up or change it, even for one day?  A mother’s heart loves just one way…it only loves completely, it aches and triumphs just the same, no matter the disability.

To the mom who’s lost a child, with you we ache and grieve.  There are days when you must feel, the pain will never leave.  And in fact it might not, yet you strive to press on, for simply having is a blessing, no matter for how long.  Knowing your child is in a heavenly place, is a reminder to all, of God’s goodness and grace.

To the woman who longs to, yet has not conceived…you are not defined by infertility.  Despite months of trying, perhaps years of feeling empty, do not think that a mom you can never be. Bearing a child of your own is not the only way, you can love, nurture, and guide those in your midst every day.  God is in control though you may not understand, trust in Him, He knows your heart and He holds the master plan.

To the mom who’s older now, with kids who are all grown, perhaps they’re very busy, being parents to their own.   So much wisdom and advice about parenting you could share, but you know most of all, your kids still need your prayer.  Though it changes over time, a mother’s job is never done, to teach and mold and point the way to Christ, the Saving One.

To women of all ages, with children or without, how many, if any, or what age, is not what Mother’s Day’s about.  God created each and every one of us unique, all beautiful, all gifted, with different weaknesses and strengths.  Motherhood’s more than physical, it’s an attitude of the heart, to bloom where e’er God plants you, you are His work of art.

The Time I Realized That My Husband Didn't Believe That I Loved Him...

And that time...was last night.  Wives I hope you'll stop making the same mistake I have.

Earlier in the day we had counseled and spoke with a friend over lunch enduring a separation and possibly a divorce, and tried to offer our support.  Having both been through something similar, my husband and I can relate and so we shared some wisdom from our own experiences...which is of no comfort to the one suffering...but it's all we can do really.  Be there, listen, nod, and occasionally offer up some examples of what TO do during this very painful time, and...from me...a lot of what NOT to do. :)

Talking through those details with our friend, brought back a lot of pain, memories that I've managed to block-out and flashbacks that sometimes feel like a lifetime ago, sometimes feel like yesterday, and other times...feel like someone else's life entirely!  Perhaps that contributed to me feeling extra sensitive or emotional yesterday...and also very reflective.

As we drove home after lunch I was sharing that God's been putting some kind of ministry or outreach for college students on my heart.  I was telling him about how we aren't perfect of course, and we don't have it ALL figured out, but that I felt our Godly marriage could serve as an example to them...many who are at an age where they may be searching for, or dating their future spouse.  "I doubt we've ever been accused of being "cool", but we might be cool enough to form some good relationships and share some wisdom with college aged kids", I said.  

What his ears heard was me committing us to one MORE obligation which will inevitably add to me being stressed out and spread thin this fall while I'm coaching volleyball, he's coaching football, and we're both gone on the weekends to games...which means...I'll feel unprepared and be tense and short with him Sunday mornings while I try to go over the material last minute and then cry when I ask him to take on some of it and he says "no" (which is a word firmly secured in his vocabulary, but not mine).  He didn't say any of that...but I know him, and I'm guessing something similar to this did go through his brain! :)

Anyway, as I listed off reasons why we would make a good team and what I pictured for this college connect group what I failed to do, was keep it simple and talk about the motivation at its very CORE...and that is...how much I love him!  Why do I feel so passionate about starting a college connect group?  Well, 1.) because God's been putting it on my heart, but the reason I haven't ignored the nudging as I so conveniently do in other situations where God is nudging me is because 2.) I love my husband!

In a society where we have a lot of "boys" but a tragic shortage of "men", I know how fortunate I am! I married a MAN, and at that...a man of God!  He's patient and consistent; he's a smart but simple man; he's big and strong...yet humble; he's a man of his word and he's a man of God's word; he works hard to provide plenty yet is happy with little and is ever-teaching me how to live more practically, how to prioritize, how to be content with only what we need and not be attached to "things" that we don't; he's generous and selfless; he'd rather be home with me than be out at a bar with friends; and most of all...he's faithful.  In a culture rampant with affairs and pornography addictions, and my past that involved a serial adulterer...I can't tell you how precious this is to me.

So, I could have said any of those things...I could have explained that it's because I admire him so much, and I want to be by his side, and I think boys need more real MEN to be leaders and to mentor...but I didn't.  Instead the conversation fizzled out by agreeing to pray about it and on with our day we went.  

In the evening we had a BBQ with our bible study group and we were surrounded by couples.  Social events like this always make me uncomfortable...my anxiety struggles are very real...even when it's a group of people I know and love.  So my default is to cling close to him...like a toddler around its moms legs (not kidding)...and smile to disguise tightness in my chest and the ridiculous urge to run sit in the car.  It's also at events like this...when wives might look across the way at "so and so" whom appears to have a most blissful marriage...and think "I wish my husband were more like her's."  Wives, you know it's true...and maybe you are even guilty of it at times yourself.  Whether it's a BBQ with your bible study, or co-workers, or neighbors...whatever it is...in our world of constant comparison and dependency on social media (which allows people to show you ONLY that which they want you to see)...it's an easy trap to fall in!  But last night...as I settled into some level of comfort and chatted with many, I consistently looked across the way at him, always within ear shot, and listened to him laugh and joke with the other husbands in our group while thinking about how much I love him.

Upon returning home, while we watched the news, I lowered the lid to my laptop and peered over to him to say, "Honey, I just want to thank you for being such a good husband and taking such good care of me", to which he got a weird look on his face, tilted his head and stared at me.  I said, "Why are you looking at me like that?"  He said, "I assume you're about to drop a bomb or tell me that you did something you shouldn't have".  

Fast forward 30 minutes as we were crawling into bed and once again I felt compelled to thank him for working so hard and for loving me so much etc.  He rolled over, looked at me suspiciously and said, "Why are you being so nice to me?"  I said, "uhhhh because I love you?"  His reply was "yeah but not really..." and I quickly said, "Yes I do! You know that, I tell you all the time!" to which he said, "No you don't, not like this..." 

OUCH...my instinct was to argue about whether I do or do not tell him all the time but as he slept I realized...he was right!  I don't tell him all the time, I THINK it silently to myself all the time. I tell OTHER people how lucky I am.  I swell up with happiness and joy when others ask about him when he's not with me.  I get warm fuzzies when I hear from someone what a great guy he is, or what an incredible football coach or landscaper he is.  And my heart breaks for other wives and women who have husbands that care more about sports bars, beers, cleavage, golf, hunting, or whatever else they do to keep from having to spend time at home with their wife...but he can't HEAR my thoughts! 

(side note: I'm not implying that husbands who have hobbies are bad! I'm referring to those situations with a lack of balance where the hobby has become far more important than the wife).

My husband knows me very well, but he doesn't know my heart when I don't share it (nor does your husband know your heart when you don't share it).  He knows I love him in the obligatory wife kind of way but he FORGETS all the things I love about him when I don't tell him.  Worse yet...wives themselves often forget when they don't verbalize and stay mindful of all the great things about their husbands.  If you're critical like I am, it's much easier to spot the mud on the floor off the bottom of his boots than it is to recognize how much his feet hurt after an exhausting day at work.

So...what I realized last night is that I have to continually get better at telling him I love him in a genuine, sincere way...and I have to tell him WHY.  Also, I have to do it often enough that he believes me!  It shouldn't cause my husband to be suspicious or leery of me from complimenting and building him up like I was last night! Love changes and evolves over time.  As you "grow old" with someone - it's true that some of the things you first fell in love with in a person may be the same things you love about them later in life - but it's also true that you may find new and powerful reasons you love your spouse as you go through life's chapters and challenges with that man.

So wives...don't make my mistake.  Commit along with me to building your husband up, focusing on the things he does well and what you admire about him, and then TELL him...often...out loud...so he knows...or more importantly, so his heart believes. 

Song of Solomon 3:4   I have found the one whom my soul loves.

~ Lenay

Motherhood - A Work of Art

Ya know...this ministry/blog is all based on the verse Phillipians 1:6 "He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it."

So this poem has the same general premise.  We are all beautiful works of art no matter where we are in life.  There is something in this poem that will touch nearly every woman.

Please enjoy, and then share!

If you're not subscribed to the blog, please take a moment to do so in order to make sure you get each new post.  You can also follow via our Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/beautifullybrokenphillipians1.6

Motherhood – A Work of Art
Lenay Marteney (©2015)   www.beautifullybrokensite.blogspot.com

To the mom with little children, you are their whole world.  You have a big job, often thankless, but never dull! Enjoy these early years for way too soon they’re gone.  And pray that God would grant you strength when nights are short and days are long.  There are diapers, and tantrums…skinned knees and elbows…but keep raising those babies up in the way that they should go.

To the mom with teenagers, hold steady, for this too shall pass.  They’ll be gone to college, then with kids of their own – it happens just that fast.  Be an example of one who loves the Lord, and show them what it means to seek and trust in God’s word.  Inspire them to be the change in the world they want to see, and challenge them to pursue all that God has called them to be.

To the mom who has a child with extra challenges and special needs; God picked you out on purpose, he must have known your strength.   You know the strain of motherhood in a completely different way, but would you give it up or change it, even for one day?  A mother’s heart loves just one way…it only loves completely, it aches and triumphs just the same, no matter the disability.

To the mom who’s lost a child, with you we ache and grieve.  There are days when you must feel, the pain will never leave.  And in fact it might not, yet you strive to press on, for simply having is a blessing, no matter for how long.  Knowing your child is in a heavenly place, is a reminder to all, of God’s goodness and grace.

To the woman who longs to, yet has not conceived…you are not defined by infertility.  Despite months of trying, perhaps years of feeling empty, do not think that a mom you can never be. Bearing a child of your own is not the only way, you can love, nurture, and guide those in your midst every day.  God is in control though you may not understand, trust in Him, He knows your heart and He holds the master plan.

To the mom who’s older now, with kids who are all grown, perhaps they’re very busy, being parents to their own.   So much wisdom and advice about parenting you could share, but you know most of all, your kids still need your prayer.  Though it changes over time, a mother’s job is never done, to teach and mold and point the way to Christ, the Saving One.

To women of all ages, with children or without, how many, if any, or what age, is not what Mother’s Day’s about.  God created each and every one of us unique, all beautiful, all gifted, with different weaknesses and strengths.  Motherhood’s more than physical, it’s an attitude of the heart, to bloom where e’er God plants you, you are His work of art.

Dear Moms (And Those Who Long to Be): An Important Mother's Day Message

Dear moms, have your kids become your idol?

If you're like me, then you're quick to imagine little figurines and Hindu people bowing down to them in worship when you think of the word "idol".  But God clearly addresses us in the ten commandments when with the FIRST one He said, Thou shalt have no other God's before me.  Clearly, idolatry affects Christians then, and is it safe to assume is our biggest downfall if He listed it first!?

An idol is defined as "extreme admiration, love, or reverence for someone or something".
An idol is anything that consumes our thoughts and our energy.
An idol is anything you delight in...more than The Lord.  Whoah!

I assure you this isn't a "pick on mom's" post - I know mom's need encouragement as much as anyone!  My guess is that we all have multiple idols in our life...in fact it's not "if" we have idols, but rather what are our idols?

What about those of you who have tried and longed for months...or even years...to get pregnant and become a mom?  Has that desire completely consumed you?  Do you spend more time and energy thinking about bearing a child than you do reveling in the fact that You are a child of God!?

Our society struggles quite obviously with idols of money, homes, cars, beauty, clothes/fashion, sports, and more.  But there are some idols that are unique to motherhood.  In her post "Idols of a Mothers Heart", Christina Fox identifies these as:

[Affirmation: This can include being affirmed by friends, family, even strangers, that your children are “so well behaved” or “so talented.” Pride then bubbles up in our heart. And when we don’t get those kinds of responses, or receive the opposite, we are discouraged and frustrated. 

Children: Children in and of themselves can become idols. It can start with even the desire to have children. It can become an all-consuming longing, becoming more important in our life than God. Once we have children, they can become idols when we live for them and always try to make them happy. We can seek to find our fulfillment in and through them. 

Success: We want our children to be successful because it is a reflection on us. We may press them endlessly to excel. If our children have limitations in some way, this may shatter our dreams as well. 

Control: Being in control of all the details of life is a big idol for many moms. We spend our days trying to orchestrate every detail of our life and our children’s life. But because nothing is actually in our control, we become anxious, worried, and agitated when things don’t go as planned.]

The phrase "anything we delight in more than The Lord" probably makes it clear for most of us, but if you're still wondering if this is an area you struggle with...here are a few other warning signs...that your kids may be your idol:

1. Do you focus on their happiness first...and their character second?
2. Do you find yourself constantly buying them toys, games, electronics etc. to keep them busy/occupied?
3. Do you consistently forfeit time with your spouse in favor of time with your kids?
4. Is every vacation you plan centered around the kids?  Have you taken a single vacation recently that was for you adults?
5. Do you find yourself utterly exhausted with a schedule filled to the brim of every single activity they could possibly be involved in to ensure they're exposed to as many opportunities as possible?
6. Do you consistently allow them to interrupt your conversations with others, including your spouse?
   (credit: Laura Kuehn, Cornerstone For Parents)

As Mother's Day draws near, know that there are few responsibilities on this earth as important as that of being a mom.  There is perhaps no greater call on one's life...no greater mission than being a parent and raising up children who love and seek after Christ.  But it's easy to forget the appropriate balance and prioritization.  The Bible makes it clear that God should always be #1 in our life, then our spouse #2, and finally our children.  While it is important to make sure your children know how much you love them...it is MORE important that they know how much you love The Lord.

This Mother's Day I hope you are loved and celebrated.  I hope you are doted on and appreciated.  I hope discouragement about the struggles of motherhood are far from your heart, but I also pray that God will open the eyes of your heart if your children have become your idol.

I'll leave you with this a quote I found to be a powerful idol assessment tool.  From Tim Keller and his book, "Reason For God":

If you center your life and identity on your spouse or partner, you will be emotionally dependent, jealous, and controlling. 

If you center your life and identity on your family and children, you will try to live your life through your children until they resent you or have no self of their own. 

If you center your life and identity on your work and career, you will be a driven workaholic and a boring, shallow person. 

If you center your life and identity on money and possessions, you’ll be eaten up by worry or jealousy about money. 

If you center your life and identity on pleasure, gratification, and comfort, you will find yourself getting addicted to something.

 If you center your life and identity on relationships and approval, you will be constantly overly hurt by criticism and thus always losing friends. 

If you center your life and identity on a “noble cause,” you will divide the world into “good” and “bad” and demonize your opponents. 

If you center your life and identity on religion and morality, you will, if you are living up to your moral standards, be proud, self-righteous, and cruel. If you don’t live up to your moral standards, your guilt will be utterly devastating.

Happy Mother's Day!
~Lenay

Trying to Lose Weight?

As a fitness instructor I'm surrounded by people trying to lose weight.  I see the same posts the rest of you do on the greatest shakes, pills, diets etc that work and help you lose lots of weight fast.  Let me quickly come out and say that I'm not bad-mouthing ANY of them!  They obviously work for some and help people or there wouldn't be folks using them, buying them, or sharing their success story.

But what works for one person may not always work for another...
Personally, I wish we'd stop labeling our success with a number on the scale or inches we've lost, or size of clothes we want to wear (although weight and inches are an important part of tracking progress).  I see people daily that are in the gym or messaging me obsessing over reaching that next goal.  I watch people constantly take what is healthy and turn it into unhealthy by letting it consume them, by letting it become their #1 priority etc.  I know this reality all too well...because it used to be me!  There were times when I'd work out 3 times a day!  I was obsessed with losing the next percentage of body fat, or running the next longer marathon distance etc. and it was always just "5 more pounds, then I'll be happy"...

But that was the old me...the new me strives to live and encourages others to live a life of "balance". That's my big secret...balance.  I try to make wise choices and eat unprocessed food *most* of the time.  I enjoy the things I enjoy (like donuts, and Taco Johns) *some* of the time and I pay attention to the quantity/portions *ALL* of the time.  I still overdo it occasionally, but I'm quick to make a note and NOT overdo it several meals, or several days in a row.  I try to drink lots of water, but I also enjoy an ice cold Coke occasionally.  I stay active and work out regularly with a well-rounded approach.  6 knee surgeries in...I can no longer focus my efforts on marathons which has freed me up considerably to try new things.  I enjoy a variety of cardio, strength training, and pilates and I've given myself permission to just enjoy them and work hard at all of them.  I no longer have to be the BEST at every one of them. :)  They may not all be my FAVORITE, but they all accomplish the goal which is to be active and get my heart rate up.  

My focus now is on being healthy.  I'm aware of what I put in my body, I'm aware it's 10 lbs bigger than I wish it was, but I know that I take care of myself, that I'm strong, that I'm fit, that I strive to fix healthy well-balanced meals, that I'm prone to emotional eating so I keep myself in check...and that's enough for me.

Now that I at least kind of touched on what you thought I was going to touch on...
Let's talk about what I really wanted to share today. :)  Let's talk about the weight loss that DOES work...for EVERYONE! :)  Here's your real tried and true ticket to quick weight loss.

If you need to lose weight fast, try casting all your cares upon Him.  How 'bout ditching some of your burdens etc. at the foot of the cross!  We need to get real about all the things we try to control and "fix"...we aren't God...yet we continue to try to be Lord of our own lives! For as many people as I see obsessing over weight loss or dying to be thin...I see that many and more struggling daily with baggage, anxiety and worries unnecessarily!  My husband (bless his soul) likes to be extra helpful to me in this area, anytime I start a sentence with "I'm worried that...", or "The one thing I worry about is..." - he will typically interrupt me and say something like "Well, keep worrying, and let me know if it helps.", or "I was going to suggest you pray about it, but it sounds like you're going to tackle it by worrying.", or "Keep worrying, that should do the trick!".  He speaks fluent sarcasm, and it drives me bonkers sometimes, but after I'm done being annoyed...I'm thankful that he offers the reminder I need ALL TOO OFTEN!

I can talk about this for another 5 minutes with my own words, or I could just refer to God's word on this matter!  Let's take a look at what the Bible has to say...

Matthew 6:27:  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his life?

1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Matthew 11:28: Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Isaiah 41:10: Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Peter 5:6-7: And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:7: And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:28: And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

James 1:12: Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

John 14:27: Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

There are more verses...believe me, there are more.  I'd encourage you to put some of these verses where you most often need the reminder.  If you clench the steering wheel while your mind races during your daily commute - then put a reminder in your car.  If you stand in front of your bathroom mirror and focus on flaws, things you can't change, and all the challenges you'll face that day - then put a reminder there.  If you need something at your desk at work to keep you from biting your lip and worrying about your kids or your finances throughout the day - then that's where you need one of these verses!

All too often we forget that what's "ours" isn't really ours at all!  Our spouse is a gift meant to teach us more about holiness, our children are God's children first, entrusted to us only for a time, our money isn't ours and if we abide by God's word in how we spend it, He'll be faithful to ensure our every need is met.  If we worried HALF as much about those in our midst who don't know Christ, as we do about our own personal gains, struggles, hiccups,and desires...about temporary things on this side of heaven that don't really matter that much...my how different things would be!

So back to that pesky quest for weight loss...focus on living healthy, strive for balance, and realize that ANY amount of worry is unhealthy.  Whether cutting carbs works for you in weight loss or not...I promise cutting out the worry and leaving THAT at the cross works every time!

~Lenay


*To hear more about my struggle with eating, exercise, weight loss, and dealing with anxiety you can schedule me for an upcoming women's conference/retreat.

14 Day Love Your Husband Challenge - Day 14

Ahhh...here we are at day 14!  I hope you've enjoyed intentionally focusing on ways to love your husband.  While I didn't share anything new, we all need reminders from time to time...a little infusion of accountability if you will!

Today's challenge may put some mom's in an uproar but here goes...
Day #14 Challenge = Keep your husband #1, and your children #2.

Now...before I get carried away here, let me actually clarify.  In truth, God needs to be #1...always.  A dear friend and I got to have breakfast recently and we were talking about priorities and expectations and how to keep them balanced...and realistic!  She was reading a book at the time (and I WISH I could remember the name to share here) that was helping her sort through priorities etc.  In life, God is #1, then family, then others.  And within that familial hierarchy it should go husband (#1), kids (#2), then extended family (#3).  So for the sake of today's post and challenge, let's say we're already under the main umbrella of family (which is overall life priority #2) and within that realm, we're focused on husband as #1 and kids as #2.

I see it happen all the time to friends and those around me.  A woman becomes a mom and her whole world changes...she becomes consumed with this new precious miracle and for the first few months...it's all she can do to grab sleep here and there, remember when the last diaper change occurred, and occasionally she might event get a shower (YAY!).  That's understandable...there is an adjustment period with a new baby in the home - no criticism there!  The tragedy happens when slowly but surely, with each addition to the family - that woman's world revolves more and more around being a mom and she forgets that she was a wife FIRST.

Ladies it's easy to love and adore your children like you've never known...they are a PART of you and God designed you with nurturing and mothering instincts as strong as anything this side of heaven (raising children may not be easy...but loving them is).  That love comes naturally...the love you have for your husband is a choice you make. Your marriage is the relationship you made a vow and commitment to uphold on your wedding day. (Discussing the topic of love as a choice you make daily to put your spouse and their needs first - a decision to die to self - is a whole blog post of it's own.)  But guess what happens when you stop making that choice and quit making room in your heart for that person...?  What happens when from the moment you wake up to the moment your head hits the pillow you are all about the kids and only about the kids?  What happens when the person whom you created those children with slowly becomes a burden instead of a blessing...when that man who vowed to love, care, and provide for you until death do you part becomes a nuisance because there "isn't enough of you to go around".  A marriage crumbles, that's what happens.

I see women who begin to resent their husband and the only communication to him is that of criticism for what he forgot, what he didn't do right, his inept parenting skills, long working hours, the items not crossed off the honey-do list, and so forth and so on.  It's heartbreaking really.  Women who struggle with this are missing a HUGE factor here.  If you REALLY want to show your children love and what real love looks like, if you REALLY want them to grow up in a healthy home and learn forgiveness, respect, hard work, dedication, sacrifice, teamwork, commitment etc. for their own lives and their futures...then show them a healthy marriage!  Show them where it all begins!  Be the husband, wife, you want them to be.  And together...secondly...be the parents God called you to be.

Protect the foundation of your home...your marriage.  You moms out there - share your ideas and suggestions for keeping these priorities in line.
Ideas such as:

• Be committed and consistent about bedtimes in order to preserve some alone time at night with your spouse.
• Don't feel guilty about insisting your children sleep in their own bed.
• Make regular date nights a priority.
• Take vacations alone, even if it's just a 3 day weekend somewhere near your home.

I LOVED this quote by author Amber Doty,

"In a few short years, our son and daughter will leave our home, and when they do, I want to celebrate a job well done with my lover, not sit in a quiet house with a person who has become a stranger as a result of year of quietly drifting further apart."

BONUS Section
Some of my other favorite quotes about this topic are:
        "Spoil your spouse, not your children."
        "Marriage before mothering."

and this quote as well...

14 Day Love Your Husband Challenge - Day 13

Two things that us wives need to be doing for our husbands...

Praying FOR him
Praying WITH him

It seems so simple...obvious really...but do we do it as often as we should?
I don't!  When am I the most mindful of praying for my husband...when it affects me!  When there is something at stake for me, when I'm troubled or burdened, anxious or worrisome and it involves my husband...I'm fairly quick to pray...but at my heart's center, I'm often praying for my own benefit.

I'm not nearly as diligent about praying JUST for him.  We do pray regularly together each night at supper - but it's often brief because we're both hungry and impatient to eat.  It's more of an obligatory prayer, often not the kind of intimate praying that would draw the 2 of us closer together.

If we better understood our husbands and the challenges they face each day, the struggles they're dealing with, the temptations lurking, the discouragement and stress etc., I think more of us would be quicker to lift him up to God.  That's our JOB as his helpmate - as his other half.  We're supposed to fill the gap and intercede on his behalf in prayer.  

Praying together is a powerful bonding experience, one God uses to draw husband and wife to one another.  Bowing before the Lord as one...seeking guidance and help as parents, as lovers, as partners etc. lifting up family, friends, and more should be a regular occurrence.  But don't let praying with your husband be the only way.

Praying FOR your husband is powerful in it's own way and I would challenge you to pray for him out loud!  Something about hearing your own voice presenting your requests to the Lord on your husband's behalf helps seal them in your heart and helps make you more aware.  Another thing I'd recommend is to ASK your husband how you could pray for him.  It might seem silly...to think that you live in the same house with a man who is the father of your children, your best friend etc. but don't know how to pray for him.  Who but you would know better how to pray for him right?  But really, ask him!  You might be surprised to learn of struggles, battles, etc. that's he's dealing with but hasn't shared with you...in an attempt to "protect" you or make sure he doesn't "worry" you.

Praying out loud for your husband and with your husband is essential.  And seeing the movement of God in your marriage and in your husband can grow your faith like nothing else.

Today's challenge is to ask your husband how and what you can be praying for - and then pray out loud, hearing the requests your making to God and committing them to memory so you can share and celebrate together when those prayers are answered! :)