14 Day Love You Husband Challenge - Day 5

It's no secret that our marriages are under siege today and did you know it's reported that more than 60% of affairs begin at work?
People who work together obviously have some common interests/passions in order to be employed in the same field, but you know what else feeds the drive to cheat in the workplace?  Flirting!  That person at work likely has common interests but beyond that...they flirt.

Do you know what married people do very little of? Same answer...flirting!

The same things that got your husband a giggle, or some other kind of enamored response while the two of you were dating...likely gets him either no response now, or worse...get's him an eye roll or a look of repulse/annoyance.  

flirt

flərt/

verb

gerund or present participle: flirting

1. 1.

   behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone

Just because there are rings on your fingers doesn't mean you stop letting your husband pursue you or hinting that you're interested in him!  Keep him engaged by flirting with him.  Maybe at dinner play footsie with him under the table, or give his bum a little swat when he passes by. If you're in a public place catch his eye, and then smile and wink.  Flirt with him via text!  Send him little messages about missing him, or what you want to do to him later that night.  Like most of these challenges, today's challenge is NOT difficult, you simply have to make a conscious effort.  Not only am I encouraging you to flirt with your husband...RESPOND if he flirts with you.  Don't act annoyed and discard his attempts either.

When you flirt with your husband you are telling him that you're attracted to him and interested.  But...be careful.  If you send him the signal that you are attracted and interested, but then there is no follow through - then it won't take long for him to get extra discouraged and frustrated.  I'm not saying you have to flirt with him every day and I'm also not saying that every time you flirt has to lead to sex...but make sure there is regular follow through.  Don't set him up and get his hopes up just to leave him hanging.

14 Day Love Your Husband Challenge - Day 4

Today's challenge is quick and simple...or so it should be.  It's not just simple - it's quick but oh-so-effective!  This can take as little as 30 to 60 seconds of your day. When your husband walks in the door at the end of the day, after a long day at work, drop what you're doing and go greet him!

You as the wife set the mood in your home.  Make your husband's arrival at home something of significance.  It's take so little effort from you, but does so much for him!  It tells your husband that he was missed, that he's appreciated, and that he's important to you.  A man's home is his safe haven...his castle...his domain.  If he comes home to the ice princess or to the arctic zone of ZERO warmth...it quickly dispells his eagerness to get there.  If he walks in to a home that is too busy to notice or care if he's there or not...he feels unnecessary.

When we walks in the door, make a point to greet him with a "Welcome home babe", or a hug, or a quick kiss...and let your children see it!  Teach them that it's important to acknowledge the contribution dad makes.  You're also teaching them to respect and honor him as the head of your household!

Want a bonus challenge...this welcome would NOT be one for your kids to see...;) but spice it up a little every once in a while, maybe during a particularly stressful time at work for him, or at the end of a week you know was especially trying for him,  Welcome him home in just an apron perhaps?  Get creative, you can come up with something special I'm sure but the most important take away is the daily greeting, the "welcome home special" is just a bonus! :)

14 Day Love Your Husband Challenge - Day 3

Want to know what your husband craves from you the way you crave his affection?  It's simple really...it's your undivided attention.  He wants to be your sole focus on a regular basis.  Ladies, I'll be honest, I can multi-task with the best of you...we are wired that way...to be thinking about several things at once.  It's no problem for me to have supper on the stove, be emptying the dishwasher, and talking to him about my day or asking him about his...I'm probably putting groceries away too...sound familiar?  I know I'm not alone here!

Our husbands however, are NOT wired that way.  Their brains work differently and are designed (by GOD) to focus on only 1 thing at at time.  That's where their attention is and that's what they're thinking about.  If you've never watched "The Tale of Two Brains" by Mark Gungor - do check it out.  He does a fabulous AND funny job of illustrating how differently our brains work!

When your husband is needing a connection with you and is trying to engage with you but you're checking your phone, going through the mail, and putting away laundry, he feels insignificant and unimportant.  He longs for you to be focused on him - and it doesn't have to be a HUGE chunk of time either.  Just make a point to let him know he matters most...more than dishes, laundry, and facebook.  Maybe this is time in the morning before the kids are up, or maybe it means a conscious committed routine that has them in bed at a regular time that is early enough for the 2 of you to have time together after they're down for the night.  Maybe you have regular lunch dates or if your husband travels then maybe it's phone time or facetime but EVEN then ladies...he can tell if you're doing 7 other things while you're talking to him. He doesn't want to feel like a nuisance or a distraction to you, he wants to feel like your other half.

Today's challenge is to give him that 10-20 minutes daily to reassure him that he has your heart!  It's going to take practice and discipline but starting today, work on making sure that you're listening to what he's saying, and thinking about only that...only him and what he's talking about (side note: he doesn't need you to fix anything, he literally JUST needs your attention).  Some men don't walk through the door ready to spill the beans about their day and give you all the details...you may have to be interested enough in him to ask questions.  That said,,,there may be days when he doesn't feel like talking but you can give him your attention and your sole focus other ways.  For example, my husband shaves his head bald and he LOVES it when I tickle his head and neck, so I could simply sit next to him, tickle his head and tell him about my day.

Sounds simple enough right?  But for most of us, our default mode is the opposite of this.   Oprah said it well:

14 Day Love Your Husband Challenge - Day 2

It's only day 2, I hope you're still with me! :)  We're on a 14 day challenge to better love our husbands!

Believe it or not...husbands don't need our love.  That's how we're wired.  We ladies need to know we're loved (and then need reminded and reassured), but are husbands aren't driven by that.  Did you know that your husband is actually insecure in a different way?  It revolves around feeling inadequate.  I remember reading somewhere that our husbands would rather feel unloved than feel inadequate and it stuck with me - it's a great point!

How often do I make my husband feel inadequate...and in little ways that I don't even realize!!!?

Whether we are aware of it or not, our men are vulnerable in their own way.  We may think they're Superman, but they don't, and they might not even realize WE think that.  Our daily critiquing and routine exasperation with what they don't get done, or don't do the way we think it should be done, communicates something very different.  It wears on them to the point that many men will just quit trying.  They'd rather be elsewhere, at work perhaps, where they feel like they DO get their job done right and they ARE adequate than be at home where they're reminded of all the ways they aren't good enough.

Want to know something else about your man...?  He's not real good at verbalizing these kinds of things, so it's not something that's easy for him to communicate...he's not likely to come to you and tell you that he needs more affirmation from you for even the littlest things!

Day #2 challenge it to be on the watch for the littlest of things that your husband does and acknowledge them...focus on the things he does well and don't take them for granted...let him know that he does it well and that you love how he does it.  

An example from my marriage involves our wood burning stove.  We don't have heat in our house without it and my husband loves cutting firewood.  However he's taken it further than just piling some wood outside and pointing me towards the pile.  He chops it to the size that is ideal for our stove, the size that will fit in nicely, but burn for long periods of time.  He brings in the wood and fills the stove at night and then opens the airway up to help the fire burn hotter and gets it really going, and then settles it down to more of a "simmer" to get us through the night.  It's not uncommon for him to get up in the middle of the night and check it.  He then wakes up before me and stokes the stove in the morning so it's nice and cozy when I get out of bed, and finally, before he leaves for the day he gets it all set right to burn slow and steady through the day while we're away.  There is way more to it than what I know or you care to read...my point is that he does this daily and I don't ever acknowledge it.  I don't even think about it.  I have an ax and a chainsaw and I'm a fit gal who's fully capable of going outside and bringing wood in etc, but man am I thankful that I don't have to!  I don't want to worry about it, and I don't have to, but I also don't tell him enough how awesome he is for keeping my home warm and cozy.  This is just one example but your challenge for day #2 is to look for things that your husband does really well and let him know!  Occasionally, if it comes up in conversation...let other people know what your husband does well too!  It's affirming in a special kind of way if he hears you tell someone else what you appreciate.

Now, for you type A's out there who love lists as much as I do, don't go make some long list and stand before him reading aloud to him all the ways he's capable like it's some kind of obligation...just be mindful...and watchful...and with regularity - starting today - let him know when he "rocks" and the things he does that you LOVE...and as a result...he'll feel loved, but more than that, he'll feel adequate.

14 Day Love Your Husband Challenge - Day 1

It's Feb. 14 - Valentine's Day! :) :)  I'll admit - it's not a big ta-doo in this household.  Just ask my husband what he thinks of a made up day that has been capitalized on by the shopping industry as a way to encourage money being spent on material things to help them recover from the January slump after the holidays...he'll tell you his thoughts...I promise! *snicker*

Truth be told - gifts are my love language and I don't care what day they come on - I love them!  So I'm not hear to criticize gifts if Valentine's Day IS a big deal to you.  I think my husband's point is...he doesn't have to spend tons of money to prove he loves me, in fact, he doesn't have to spend any money at all, and if he's going to get me gifts he'd rather do it when he wants and not out of some obligation/expectation that our culture pushes on this particular day.  But his biggest pet peeve, is that he'd rather strive to be a man who makes me feel loved every day (and he'd rather other husbands pursue this goal as well) than make some big spectacle on Valentin's Day and then go back to the same 'ole same 'ole every other day of the year.

Anyway, gift talk aside...I'm not encouraging us to think about what our husbands got or didn't get us this Valentine's Day, but I do want to suggest ways we can show them love!  They're basic, nothing earth shattering, but gosh darn it...I get busy and I forget, and sometimes I just need a right up in my grill reminder to get my act together and keep pursuing the wife God calls me to be...one that grows, matures, and gets better at my "wife" job  honor every day!

So make sure you subscribe to this blog, and I'd be honored if you shared it with other wives...and keep up with me the next 14 days as I give you 1 daily challenge/suggestion for a way to intentionally and purposefully love your husband! :)

This weekend - (maybe just tomorrow if you already have V-day plans today) pick something that you KNOW he loves you to do with him...one of "his" hobbies that maybe you usually roll your eyes at, or rarely have time for, or would rather not do if we're being honest, and do it with him.  Don't just do it with me, but be positive/happy about it and commit to enjoying every minute of it...no complaints.  Does he like shooting guns? Bowling? Golfing? Welding in the shop? Woodworking projects? Whatever it is that is usually his escape or that thing you've convinced yourself that he'd rather do alone anyway...make a point to schedule time to do it with him...if not this weekend, then soon, and bring it up and make the plans THIS weekend!

I'll be back tomorrow with another 14-day Love Your Husband challenge, but in the meantime I shall dig out my wood cutting gear and carve out some time to bundle up in some seriously unflattering coveralls, with googles and earplugs, and find out when we can go cut some firewood together.

5 Reasons To Stay Away From 50 Shades of Grey!

Let me save you the $10+ it's going to cost you to get into the movie this weekend and while I save you money, let me also save your eyes, mind, and heart.  Here are 5 reasons to stay away from 50 Shades of Grey.

I had to break away from my "Beautiful Is..." series to address this timely topic, but stay tuned...we'll get back on track!

5 Reasons to Stay Away 

1. It's not just innocent fun with girlfriends...but that IS the lie that Satan would have you believe!

We women are emotional creatures and we can store memories like a steel trap.  Our memories are tied to emotions and once our eyes have seen and ears have heard...we can't unsee or unhear.  Each time we replay the scenes in our head, we'll continue to relive the emotions tied to them.  It's not long before our own real life experiences with our spouse become bland and emotionless in comparison.

2. This isn't the kind of submission that is beautiful...and it's not what God designed for us as women.

Submission has gotten such a bad rap in our society because the worldy view portrays women as some kind of weak victim that has no voice or thoughts or input...no contribution at all.  That isn't an accurate portrayal of God's design at all, nor is the kind of submission in this movie, yet it's glamorized  on a big movie screen so now it's seen as exciting and erotic.  The submission that God calls on us for is out of love and respect for a man (our husband) who absolutely cherishes us, protects us, and enjoys us...a man who provides for us and dies to himself to put our needs first...a man who would never want to harm us. Violence is never sexy and this kind of submission is not either.

3.  Porn is not the way to "spice" up your marriage, it is however, a great way to destroy a marriage.  And yes, this is porn.
A bigger film budget and better actors does not change the fact that this is porn.  Did you know that 56% of divorces point to porn addiction/obsession as a factor and that 88% of pornography shows some level of physical aggression towards women?  Think watching it just once won't do any harm or have any lasting effects?  Ask ANY addict (of ANY kind) if they thought anything bad would come from trying it "just once".  And Eve thought one bite of that apple wouldn't be a big deal either...
You could do a whole lot more for your marriage and your sexual intimacy by simply being available to one another and being open about your needs...and THEN be more interested in meeting one another's needs than going to watch some degrading movie about a fictional person's needs. 

4.  Lust isn't just a sin for husbands.
Because men are typically more sexually driven, society often thinks of them as the ones who struggle with lust.  But here's the definition of lust: uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; an overmastering desire or craving.  Lust is just as crippling and unhealthy for women, and it has just as much power over us.  The minute we entertain thoughts or fantasies of something more or different than our husband is...the door is open for us to check out and leave behind our realities.  This is very dangerous because it doesn't take long before "real" can't measure up to the "fantasy".

5.  In real life - the 50 Shades of Grey relationships aren't erotic at all...
in fact they're dangerous at best and deadly at worst.  Ask any victim of sex trafficking how erotic and arousing their experiences were.  Let them describe what it's like to be dominated by a man sexually and how it feels when violence and pain are used.  In real life the man that needs this kind of control sexually almost always needs it in other areas of his life as well, and all too often, someone's life is at stake when he doesn't have or can't maintain that control.  Don't let the fact that it's Melanie Griffith's daughter and that the previews show a really luxurious teal blindfold cloud your perception of this film.

Do yourself, your husband, your marriage, and your bank account a favor by not going.  Take a stand this weekend and share these truths with other women in your midst.  Find Beautifully Broken on Facebook and stay tuned for a 14 day "Love Your Husband" challenge kicking off on February 14.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20  

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 

19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

(Part 3) Beautiful Is...about what you wear! Take Katy Perry for example...

I know you're thinking I just got really superficial on you all, so I'll explain.
No I haven't shifted my focus to external things that don't matter and I'll admit I'm no fashionista.
If it were up to me - I'd wear fitness clothes 365 days a year.  I'm a sucker for flip flops or tennis shoes, comfy shorts, and a tank top or t-shirt.  It doesn't help that I can't stand shopping and don't have the patience to try things on...and the awful lighting in those dressing rooms...do I really need to go on?

There is more to what you wear than just being able to sport the most current trends in colors that are flattering on you!  I'll leave the fashion blogging to someone else.  But at the heart of it...what you wear says a lot about well...your heart!  I'm referring to that painfully "prudish" word...modesty...there, I said it.  I'll just get the next phrase over with right away while we're ripping the band-aid off...modesty matters (I'm cringing with you, but I promise...it's true!).

Now I recognize that there are various levels of expectation associated with this word and there are many who believe women should only wear long sleeves and long dresses etc.  Others would criticize me if they knew that my shoulders have shown many a time when I wear tank tops or blouses without sleeves.  I don't wish to argue where to draw the line regarding modesty but I do want to talk about increasing awareness.

What does any of this have to do with Katy Perry?  Well, it was watching the Super Bowl, that gave me the idea for a blog post on modesty as it relates to beauty.  As we sat with our care cell group from church approaching half time, I began to feel dread as I prepared myself for Katy Perry's show.  I fully expected her to wear as little clothing as possible and dance as sexually provocatively as possible and not only would I prefer my own husband not see that, I was sitting in a room full of other husbands who didn't need to see that either.  After all today's pop culture is all about pushing the bubble and what better an opportunity than on a HUGE stage like the Superbowl? Could Katie Perry have worn MORE, yes, certainly...but I was pleasantly surprised and relieved that both her attire and her dance moves which could have been completely over the top with sexual nature and provocativeness were controlled and entertaining (relatively speaking).  The focus was clearly on the staging the characters and props in the performance, the grand entrance and the fascinating exit and while modesty and Katy Perry may not be used in the same sentence often...I was thankful that she didn't take the opportunity to parade around practically  naked on TVs all over America.

You see, I was once a girl who sought to fill a void, to heal the deep pain of my husband leaving me, by dressing in a way that was intended to catch a man's eye.  I don't know if I would have ever admitted it, but I definitely desired attention from men and thought that would help me feel more confidant and secure in myself.  Yet at the same time, I was somehow oblivious to my actions and choices.

Now that I'm older and happily married to a man who is completely devoted me, I better understand what I didn't know back then.  I now realize that God made men to desire women at a level I can't fully comprehend.  He created men with a drive and heightened sensitivity to all things female...and absolutely men have a responsibility to protect their eyes and be respectful of women, but as I watch our society and the way the media sprawls women in practically nothing ALL over billboards, ads, commercials, and more...I've become painfully aware of how challenging that can be day in and day out for men.  The more aware of it I become, the more relentless I realize it is.

Imagine being on a diet and trying to stay away from that which tempts you the MOST (say chocolate, or in my case...donuts) and that's what you are offered for each meal very day.  All the donut stores in town are running sales and every time you turn around, someone is offering you another one. That would be MISERABLE!

Let's cut to the chase - shall we?

Married women...your body is your husband's and your lines and curves and all things feminine are for him so share them with only him.

Unmarried women...your body is your FUTURE husband's and your lines and curves and all things feminine are for him so save them for him and only him.

All women, scrutinize your wardrobe for those things that don't need to be there...and if you have any question at all, don't buy it, and don't keep it! :)

As I said above, modesty DOES matter but what's beautiful?  Classy is beautiful.  A woman with class is a woman who respects her body enough to save it for the right person, who respects men enough to spare them unnecessary temptation, and a woman who is confidant enough that she need not show "too much" to feel good about herself.


Proverbs 11:22  Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.

1 Timothy 2:8-10  I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.

Matthew 5:28  But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Here's to keeping it classy!