Believe it or not...husbands don't need our love. That's how we're wired. We ladies need to know we're loved (and then need reminded and reassured), but are husbands aren't driven by that. Did you know that your husband is actually insecure in a different way? It revolves around feeling inadequate. I remember reading somewhere that our husbands would rather feel unloved than feel inadequate and it stuck with me - it's a great point!
How often do I make my husband feel inadequate...and in little ways that I don't even realize!!!?
Whether we are aware of it or not, our men are vulnerable in their own way. We may think they're Superman, but they don't, and they might not even realize WE think that. Our daily critiquing and routine exasperation with what they don't get done, or don't do the way we think it should be done, communicates something very different. It wears on them to the point that many men will just quit trying. They'd rather be elsewhere, at work perhaps, where they feel like they DO get their job done right and they ARE adequate than be at home where they're reminded of all the ways they aren't good enough.
Want to know something else about your man...? He's not real good at verbalizing these kinds of things, so it's not something that's easy for him to communicate...he's not likely to come to you and tell you that he needs more affirmation from you for even the littlest things!
Day #2 challenge it to be on the watch for the littlest of things that your husband does and acknowledge them...focus on the things he does well and don't take them for granted...let him know that he does it well and that you love how he does it.
An example from my marriage involves our wood burning stove. We don't have heat in our house without it and my husband loves cutting firewood. However he's taken it further than just piling some wood outside and pointing me towards the pile. He chops it to the size that is ideal for our stove, the size that will fit in nicely, but burn for long periods of time. He brings in the wood and fills the stove at night and then opens the airway up to help the fire burn hotter and gets it really going, and then settles it down to more of a "simmer" to get us through the night. It's not uncommon for him to get up in the middle of the night and check it. He then wakes up before me and stokes the stove in the morning so it's nice and cozy when I get out of bed, and finally, before he leaves for the day he gets it all set right to burn slow and steady through the day while we're away. There is way more to it than what I know or you care to read...my point is that he does this daily and I don't ever acknowledge it. I don't even think about it. I have an ax and a chainsaw and I'm a fit gal who's fully capable of going outside and bringing wood in etc, but man am I thankful that I don't have to! I don't want to worry about it, and I don't have to, but I also don't tell him enough how awesome he is for keeping my home warm and cozy. This is just one example but your challenge for day #2 is to look for things that your husband does really well and let him know! Occasionally, if it comes up in conversation...let other people know what your husband does well too! It's affirming in a special kind of way if he hears you tell someone else what you appreciate.
Now, for you type A's out there who love lists as much as I do, don't go make some long list and stand before him reading aloud to him all the ways he's capable like it's some kind of obligation...just be mindful...and watchful...and with regularity - starting today - let him know when he "rocks" and the things he does that you LOVE...and as a result...he'll feel loved, but more than that, he'll feel adequate.
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