14 Day Love Your Husband Challenge - Day 11

Day 11...well how long was I going to go without bringing this one up...
Did you think you'd get through all 14 days without this being addressed?...you were wrong ;)

I'm going to cut right to the chase, but I hope you won't quit reading just because you know the answer...

Day 11 Challenge = Make physical intimacy with him a priority.

*sigh*  Why is this one so tricky?  Why is something that is such a priceless gift God gave us in marriage so easy to take for granted, put aside, and overlook?  Why is it that we long for that intimacy before marriage but after, it becomes such a chore at times?  Well, it's jobs, kids, lack of time, lack of sleep, lack of privacy, changes in hormones, distractions and so forth and so on...but the biggest reason of all is simply a change in our priorities.  Really that's what it boils down to...in most cases (I realize there are medical situations and other things that factor into some relationships).

Wanna know why God spoke directly to us about this topic in His word?  Because He knew we'd struggle...and that our own selfish needs, desires, and prerequisites would be an issue. He knew we'd get our priorities all out of whack! :)

1 Corinthians 7:2-5 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.  For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I think a common misconception and misunderstanding among wives is a lie we believe from the love scenes in books, TV, and movies.  Rarely do we see "real life" - we see fiction - 2 people "in the mood" at the same time, no sick kids that kept you up the night before, no bedtime battles with children, no late night work projects with early morning meeting deadlines, etc.  We think it should be that effortless and convenient every time with lots of passion etc...but that's not real life!  Yes sexual intimacy is a gift, but it's also a sacrifice sometimes.  Its a gift we give to the other regardless of how tired we are and whether we "feel like it" or not.  Obviously there times when each spouse needs to be respectful of the other and there are times when we truly need to "take a rain check" but we shouldn't let this be the norm and we certainly shouldn't let the "rain checks" pile up.

Side Note: There may be things husbands could work on and areas where their efforts would pay off, things they could improve on...but some husband somewhere needs to write that blog post.  I'm speaking to wives and what we can do on our end.

A couple important points I want to make regarding today's topic and challenge:

1. Second to loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind...loving our husband should be next. Knowing that our husbands have a deep need for physical intimacy...it's safe to assume that meeting that need and enjoying the gift of intimacy in our marriage is one of the most holy things we can do as a wife.
   
2. Women like to have the emotional connection first, our heart needs to be in it and feel close to our husband before we're interested in sex but men are the opposite.  They get an emotional connection AFTER sex.  Because men are created with a craving or desire for this physical act that is generally much greater than our needs as a wife...it's safe to assume the times we get that emotional connection beforehand will be less, and the times that we give our bodies to our husbands out of selflessness, obedience etc. will be more...and that's O.K.! You know why?  Because...we can actually get that emotional connection AFTER as well, just like our husbands do!  

The point is - whether you're "in the mood" or whether you "feel like it" or not...isn't important.  It's nice when it happens, but it's not a prerequisite.  Not depriving one another is the point, and by NOT depriving one another - BOTH of you still benefit from a tighter bond and emotional closeness.  On top of that - you're honoring God with your bodies.

I probably need another blog post entirely to discuss how this helps our husbands in almost every area of their life.  When a husband is sexually satisfied, it helps him sleep better, focus at work better, have a better, more positive mood, and stand firm against daily temptations and distractions.

So wives, put it on the calendar, schedule it in your day, reward yourself with some kind of incentive to uphold the schedule...I don't care how you do it, but make making love to your husband a priority...that's the challenge!