Today's challenge may put some mom's in an uproar but here goes...
Day #14 Challenge = Keep your husband #1, and your children #2.
Now...before I get carried away here, let me actually clarify. In truth, God needs to be #1...always. A dear friend and I got to have breakfast recently and we were talking about priorities and expectations and how to keep them balanced...and realistic! She was reading a book at the time (and I WISH I could remember the name to share here) that was helping her sort through priorities etc. In life, God is #1, then family, then others. And within that familial hierarchy it should go husband (#1), kids (#2), then extended family (#3). So for the sake of today's post and challenge, let's say we're already under the main umbrella of family (which is overall life priority #2) and within that realm, we're focused on husband as #1 and kids as #2.
I see it happen all the time to friends and those around me. A woman becomes a mom and her whole world changes...she becomes consumed with this new precious miracle and for the first few months...it's all she can do to grab sleep here and there, remember when the last diaper change occurred, and occasionally she might event get a shower (YAY!). That's understandable...there is an adjustment period with a new baby in the home - no criticism there! The tragedy happens when slowly but surely, with each addition to the family - that woman's world revolves more and more around being a mom and she forgets that she was a wife FIRST.
Ladies it's easy to love and adore your children like you've never known...they are a PART of you and God designed you with nurturing and mothering instincts as strong as anything this side of heaven (raising children may not be easy...but loving them is). That love comes naturally...the love you have for your husband is a choice you make. Your marriage is the relationship you made a vow and commitment to uphold on your wedding day. (Discussing the topic of love as a choice you make daily to put your spouse and their needs first - a decision to die to self - is a whole blog post of it's own.) But guess what happens when you stop making that choice and quit making room in your heart for that person...? What happens when from the moment you wake up to the moment your head hits the pillow you are all about the kids and only about the kids? What happens when the person whom you created those children with slowly becomes a burden instead of a blessing...when that man who vowed to love, care, and provide for you until death do you part becomes a nuisance because there "isn't enough of you to go around". A marriage crumbles, that's what happens.
I see women who begin to resent their husband and the only communication to him is that of criticism for what he forgot, what he didn't do right, his inept parenting skills, long working hours, the items not crossed off the honey-do list, and so forth and so on. It's heartbreaking really. Women who struggle with this are missing a HUGE factor here. If you REALLY want to show your children love and what real love looks like, if you REALLY want them to grow up in a healthy home and learn forgiveness, respect, hard work, dedication, sacrifice, teamwork, commitment etc. for their own lives and their futures...then show them a healthy marriage! Show them where it all begins! Be the husband, wife, you want them to be. And together...secondly...be the parents God called you to be.
Protect the foundation of your home...your marriage. You moms out there - share your ideas and suggestions for keeping these priorities in line.
Ideas such as:
- Be committed and consistent about bedtimes in order to preserve some alone time at night with your spouse.
- Don't feel guilty about insisting your children sleep in their own bed.
- Make regular date nights a priority.
- Take vacations alone, even if it's just a 3 day weekend somewhere near your home.
I LOVED this quote by author Amber Doty,
"In a few short years, our son and daughter will leave our home, and when they do, I want to celebrate a job well done with my lover, not sit in a quiet house with a person who has become a stranger as a result of year of quietly drifting further apart."
BONUS Section
Some of my other favorite quotes about this topic are:
"Spoil your spouse, not your children."
"Marriage before mothering."
and this quote as well...
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